Some time back, I had a horrible health scare. The first few days, I ignored it… successfully. Then, I couldn’t. What if I really was very, very sick? Worry for my child, my husband and my parents clouded everything else out. Once I had calmed down a little, the cynical part of my brain asked, ‘How come you didn’t wallow in self-pity first?’ “Brain” I admonished “when I am not there at all, how do I even matter?” Come to think of it, when you know your end is certain, most people always think of the people they will leave behind. The same people we hurt the most and so of course, the ones we love the most. But why is it that the certainty that we love them so much, even better than our own selves, hit us only when we come to know that we don’t have that much time left with them now. What if we showed them how much they are loved, how much we care for them every single day? Ronan Keating’s song ‘If Tomorrow never Comes’ catches this feeling perfectly,
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she’s my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
Beautiful lines, aren’t they?
When I finally confided my health concern to my husband, he urged me to go show a doctor the very same day. On my way to the doctor, a thought came unbidden into my head, ‘If only there is nothing wrong with me and I could just go out for a walk or an icecream even with my family’. A pleasure so routine and commonplace that it hardly counted as a pleasure anymore. But now I wished for it with all my heart, as if it were the greatest treasure in the world. I am sure we have all had this feeling. The remaining space in my mind was occupied with all the things I always wanted to do but had never got around to, for some reason or the other. I had never gone snorkelling nor joined a power yoga class nor learned the piano nor visited the thousand and one places I always wanted to visit. Why had I waited so long to do all those things that I loved to do? And you know there wasn’t a single thought in my head for any of the people whom I loved to hate. What a sharp contrast to my mind’s routine playlist!
Fortunately, I soon reached the doctor’s place and even more fortunately didn’t have to wait long in the waiting room, driving myself mad with worry. The doctor heard me out calmly, examined me and declared me… PERFECTLY FIT!!! Thank you Doctor, I stammered again and again. I floated out of the clinic as if on wings. The world outside was dark with thundery, icy cold rain but I had never seen a finer day. Life is beautiful and my life…THE VERY BEST!