Tag Archives: life

The Miracle called the Parental Heart

Sometimes, I feel the parental heart is not one of the organs of the human body at all, it is something stupendous, something ethereal. It is the sum of all the virtues which the world can boast of. There is nothing it is not equal to where the child is concerned. From simple things like saying no to the last piece cake so that your little daughter can have it to convincing your grown up son over and over again that you are happy living alone and there is no need for him to disrupt his busy schedule and come down for a visit. And the funny thing is… we all do it. You might think you will never be that kind of person who gives somebody else’s life so much precedence over your own. But just wait till you become a mommy or a daddy; when you hold your new-born baby in your hands for the first time, when you look into its lovely, innocent face, all your declarations will just vanish along with your heart. There will only be place for your baby inside. It is like magic, the best kind of magic.

It makes us something better than what we ever were, something closer to perfect angels than just ordinary human beings. It is something so beautiful that witnessing it makes your heart ache. I recently lost a relative to the Covid pandemic. He was a father. His son was stuck in another country, unable to come see his father. And the father assured him while he was on his dying bed, his son was to not even think of coming back and that he will pray that his son becomes a great and successful man. All this before he died! I can say no more…

HEALTH SCARE

Some time back, I had a horrible health scare. The first few days, I ignored it… successfully. Then, I couldn’t. What if I really was very, very sick? Worry for my child, my husband and my parents clouded everything else out. Once I had calmed down a little, the cynical part of my brain asked, ‘How come you didn’t wallow in self-pity first?’  “Brain” I admonished “when I am not there at all, how do I even matter?” Come to think of it, when you know your end is certain, most people always think of the people they will leave behind. The same people we hurt the most and so of course, the ones we love the most. But why is it that the certainty that we love them so much, even better than our own selves, hit us only when we come to know that we don’t have that much time left with them now. What if we showed them how much they are loved, how much we care for them every single day? Ronan Keating’s song ‘If Tomorrow never Comes’ catches this feeling perfectly,

If tomorrow never comes

Will she know how much I loved her

Did I try in every way to show her every day

That she’s my only one

And if my time on earth were through

And she must face this world without me

Is the love I gave her in the past

Gonna be enough to last

If tomorrow never comes

Beautiful lines, aren’t they?

When I finally confided my health concern to my husband, he urged me to go show a doctor the very  same day. On my way to the doctor, a thought came unbidden into my head, ‘If only there is nothing wrong with me and I could just go out for a walk or an icecream even with my family’. A pleasure so routine and commonplace that it hardly counted as a pleasure anymore. But now I wished for it with all my heart, as if it were the greatest treasure in the world. I am sure we have all had this feeling. The remaining space in my mind was occupied with all the things I always wanted to do but had never got around to, for some reason or the other. I had never gone snorkelling nor joined a power yoga class nor learned the piano nor visited the thousand and one places I always wanted to visit. Why had I waited so long to do all those things that I loved to do? And you know there wasn’t a single thought in my head for any of the people whom I loved to hate. What a sharp contrast to my mind’s routine playlist!

Fortunately, I soon reached the doctor’s place and even more fortunately didn’t have to wait long in the waiting room, driving myself mad with worry. The doctor heard me out calmly, examined me and declared me… PERFECTLY FIT!!! Thank you Doctor, I stammered again and again. I floated out of the clinic as if on wings. The world outside was dark with thundery, icy cold rain but I had never seen a finer day. Life is beautiful and my life…THE VERY BEST!

Of woes & Choices..

I leave from work, glum and blue. ‘Life is so unfair’ I think wallowing in self-pity. ‘Why does almost everyone I know have a much better life than me?’ Tears sting my eyes and I brush them away roughly. I am in no mood to reach home and I decide to take a walk. Immediately a boy no older than eight accosts me urging me to buy a colouring book with a cheeky smile on his face. ‘What has he got to smile about?’ I wonder grumpily. I hastily buy a book, thrust the money at him and hasten away. Deciding I need a sugar lift, I enter a small cafe. As I wait to be served, I see an old man sitting in a wheelchair laughing hysterically at something the waiter has said. His wife smiles and gently wipes his mouth with a tissue. A smile involuntarily lifts my lips but I quickly switch it off reminding myself of my grievances. I am just finishing my milkshake when somebody pulls my hair. Incensed I turn to find a small baby boy in his mother’s arms gurgling at me. “You have lovely hair” the mother says admiringly, gesturing at her own thin braid. ‘What the heck’. I give up and grin back. I grab my bag and get up, idly glancing at the message on the t-shirt of a guy standing at the counter. ‘Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.’ My eyebrows shoot up and I giggle. “You win” I quietly mouth to Life and step out into a beautiful summer evening.